Month: October 2013

YOGA – for copycats?

Correct me if I’m wrong but, most people I know who go to the gym to take a class do it because they need some structure, guidance and a damn good workout.  I’m generally a cardio/weight lifting gal but I could use some yoga in my life, so I attended my first Body Flow Yoga class at my local gym.  I’ve done a “regular” yoga class a couple of times, which I liked a lot, and I’ve done a “hot” yoga class, which I LOVED, so I wanted to try this “body flow” yoga and see what the big wup was about.

I head over to the right side of the room where I’m next to the mirror, but with a pretty good sight to where the instructor would be so I can see how to do these poses.  The class is pretty full and I’m pretty confident that a good bunch of them were newbies or very close to it, because everybody was simply watching everybody else to see what to do – before the class even started – myself included!!  Some people picked up those blocks and I have YET to figure out what the heck they are for!

Anyway, in walks a guy to the front of the room to plug in his iPhone to get the music started and he never says a word.  No ‘hi ladies!’  No ‘how’s everybody doing tonight?’ – NOTHING!  Seriously, we didn’t even get a smile.  But, I’m not there to see his smile so whatever.  Now the music has begun and he walks over in my direction!!!!  PLEASE DON’T TELL ME THAT THIS IS THE FRONT OF THE CLASS!!!  UUUUGH!  IT IS!!  I so wanted to move but, oh well, I figured this would be an even better spot for me to see how to do these poses but, get this, he didn’t bring a mat over.  Oh contraire mon frere!!  There was no need for a mat because he wasn’t going to be doing any of the poses with us!!!  Not even as an example!!!  This dude busts out with, “let’s start by quieting the mind”.  Yyyyeeaaaaaah, that’s actually not going to work for me because all I’m thinking is, “Quick Maritza! Check out the chick next to you to see how to do it but be slick about it, don’t stare!”  Seriously, I looked at the girl next to me and she looked at me and shrugged her shoulders.  What the frack?!  Now I gotta be obvious and turn around to see what everybody else is doing.  Mind you, the instructor is walking around the room watching everybody.  People are lifting their arms and breathing in and out and doing a prayer pose or something and I wasn’t sure what that was about but I copied them and it sucked.

The class goes on and he wants us in the downward dog position and, “oh, by the way, if at any time you need a break, feel free to get into child’s pose”……i’d love to right now, but unfortunately, I didn’t remember what that meant from the other 3 classes I’ve been to in the last 4 years!  So, for any of you who haven’t been to a yoga class before, a child’s pose is NOT the same as the fetal position, so save yourself the embarrassment.  (That little nugget of information is yours, FREE – you’re welcome.)  So, I continue with this charade for the remainder of the class, believe it or not.  I don’t even want to attempt to tell you all the names of the poses that he wanted us to do because, let’s face it, I don’t remember.  What I do remember is that when he called out the name of a pose, he found one person who was doing it right or close to it and he would say, “everybody do it like her”.

I shit you not, he said, “Do. It. Like. Her”……..DO IT LIKE HER?!!!!………GET THE HECK OUTTA HERE!  Hey buster, how about this; how about YOU show us how to do it since YOU’RE the instructor?!  I know it’s a wild concept and all, but let’s give it a try.  Hmm?  ………No, how about we don’t give it a try.  He literally did that for the duration of the class.  Ugh!!

Towards the end of class, I thought I was getting the hang of things – or at least the hang of copying what everybody else was doing – and it seems like he had some time to kill, so he says, “does anybody know how to do the crane?”  Well, well, well, as luck would have it, someone DID but she says, “that’s an advanced pose”.  He responds, “I know, but let’s try.”  I’m all for trying crap that’s challenging so I decide I’m going to give it a go.  I sit there and I try to nail this crane while I think, “where do they get these names from?”  A good 5 minutes have passed of this ridiculous mess, people are falling on their heads and getting ready to break their necks, but he’s too busy to notice because he’s mingling with other women in the class.  He finally stops the madness and goes through the cool down, which was nice because that’s when I finally “quieted my mind,” go figure.

*le sigh*

No, that wasn’t the best yoga class I’ve ever been to and I won’t be going back.  I’m just going to go to that other lady’s class and do it early in the morning because at least she shows us how to do the poses.  I don’t think I’m asking for much.  I don’t need these people to do the entire class with me, just show me how to do it AND THEN walk around to see how everybody is doing to make sure they’re doing it right, you know?

Oh well, I decided I would try out a different class – INSANITY!!!  Now, THAT’S a class that’s more along the lines of something I would attempt to do to mix up my weight lifting routine.  People seem to love it so I want to check it out.  My happy ass gets in there, to the front of the room, the actual front of the room, and in walks a dude with a PERSONAL TRAINER shirt on.  He looks familiar, but I can’t place him until he begins the class.  WAIT, IT’S THE YOGA “INSTRUCTOR”!!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

TO BE CONTINUED……

My right hand kid

Daniela.  The youngest of my ‘litter,’ she’s 9, and sometimes it’s hard to remember that she’s the youngest because at times she can be so much more responsible than the rest and yet, she has her moments that remind you that she’s only 9.  For example, she sings EVERYWHERE she goes and she’s loud and proud at that.  She isn’t going to be on America’s Got Talent any time soon, but that doesn’t stop her from singing in the bathroom when she’s on the pot, when she’s in the shower, in the grocery store, at church, in the car, while she does dishes, while she’s cooking or anywhere else where she’s in ear shot from her brother who is annoyed by her singing.  That’s kind of like what I used to do to my brother when I was younger – I vaguely remember him asking my mom to tell me to shut up when we were in the car.  But I digress…

So you know people always say that kids are little sponges and we all know it’s true, but Daniela amazes me sometimes with all the information she retains and how she uses it.  She has ALWAYS been my little helper in the kitchen; they all were at one time, but it still sticks with Daniela.  She always wants to be in the mix, asking questions and helping out no matter what it is – she’s very selfless that way.  Recently, she did something that just made me smile….here goes.

8:00 am (on a Saturday) she wakes, handles her morning routine – in our house that’s the ABCs (Awake, Brush teeth/hair, Clean face), and then she comes down to meet me in the living room.

Daniela: “Good morning Mommy.  (hugs) Have you had breakfast?”
Me: “Yes, I did.  Thank you very much.  Have you done your ABCs?” (I can tell she has but I can’t help but ask.)
Daniela: “Yes, I did.  Can I make pancakes for my breakfast?”
Me: “Sure.  Do you know what you’re doing in there?”
Daniela: “Yep!”

And off she went.  I could hear her in there singing and making the mix. I can see her from where I was so I could keep an eye on her, too.  The first pancake is out of the pan and onto a plate.  Aaron, my son, emerges from his room by about 8:20.  No, he hasn’t done his ABCs, so I tell him to handle his business and come back. Daniela calls out of the kitchen for some assistance and when I walk in, this girl is trying to make me coffee while she’s making her second pancake!!  She’s so funny and it’s so sweet of her to try but that’s a bit too challenging.  Anyway, as she finishes the second pancake and serves it on the plate…

Daniela: “Can you put this on the table for Aaron, please?”
Me: “For Aaron?”
Daniela: “Yeah, since he woke up, i’ll just give him these and make some more for myself.”
Me: “That’s very nice of you.  I’ll help you make some more mix for yours.”

No sooner did I make the mix and Daniela begins with the next pancake, here comes Alaina.  No, she didn’t do her ABCs either (these kids need constant reminders, I tell ya!), so I asked her to go and come back.  Again, Daniela offers the two pancakes to Alaina since she is awake and, again, I help her make some more batter.

Daniela: “I know you don’t like pancakes, but are you sure you don’t want one?  I’m making them in heart shapes.”
Me: [I almost wanted to eat one just because she wanted to make it!] “No, thank you.  Just make yours and eat up!”

Because Daniela's girly like that - heart-shaped pancakes are the only way to go!  :)

Because Daniela’s girly like that – heart-shaped pancakes are the only way to go! 🙂

She proceeds to make her pancakes and here comes the oldest of the gaggle, Dominique.  At this point, Daniela has JUST finished making her second pancake and was about to sit down.  She gave me the look that said, “I’ll just give her these.”  I had to stop this girl from the inevitable before she uttered a word because Dominique is the biggest “Daniela bully” of the house and I just COULDN’T allow her to give away her cute, heart shaped pancakes to her sister who wouldn’t appreciate them.  (#familypolitics)  Without making a big deal of it, I gave Daniela the green light to sit down and enjoy the fruits of her labor.  Besides, Dominique was just as happy making her own pancakes while she chatted with me in the kitchen. So, all’s well that ends well – I always say.

As I tell this story to The Man he says, “you know where she gets that from, don’t you?”  I guess that means me, but I never expected something like that to catch on to a 9-year-old.  You know?  So, it’s things like these that warm my heart when I think about Daniela.  Sometimes it’s a shame that I know I can trust her to get something done over the older kids, but oh well, every kid is different.

My little sous-chef, Daniela.  Always helping me in the kitchen.  :)

My little sous-chef, Daniela. Always helping me in the kitchen. 🙂

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, no, Dominique didn’t do her ABCs either.  SMH?!  La mas vieja  y sin verguenza! As my mom would say.

My Letter to the Elevator

Dear Elevator Doors with Mirrors on the Inside,

I understand we have a love/hate relationship, but i’m beginning to think that I hate you more than I love you. I LOVE that you’re always there for me like nothing else, but i’m becoming irritated by your daily activity.  I’m not liking that you’re always there on a bad hair day, a bloated day, an unknown-rip-in-the-stocking day, a before-I-put-makeup-on morning, the occasional HORRIBLE zit day….and these are all days that I refuse to look at you but you just won’t let up! I’m convinced that you put people in some kind of trance that forces them to stare at you incessantly – even when others are around!

Like this morning, for example, you had this woman so wrapped up in your spell that she wouldn’t move out of the middle of the way to let me through when I reached my floor. I LITERALLY had to shimmy my way around her even though you were out of sight temporarily!!  What the ham?!

[DEEP BREATH…AAAAAAAND, EXHALE]  

Okay, I get it, perhaps my anger is slightly misdirected….maybe I should be angered by the woman who can’t wait to get to the bathroom to touch up her hair or the guy who wants to get food out of his teeth. I mean, maybe it’s me and not you (I doubt it, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings and cause you to crack which might cause me years of “bad luck”).

*le sigh* I think we need a break. I’m sorry, but I think i’m gonna go with the stairs for a while. I might come back for quickie if i’m wearing exceptionally high heels, or I might not, but I think we need this time apart. 

Please don’t hate me.  Friends?  🙂

Love always,
Me ❤