Month: July 2015

When reality strikes…or bites

Aside from yesterday, I haven’t posted anything for the public since January.  I know that the obvious reason is because I’m in a better place and happy to write in a positive, fun way again.  I still wrote during the time that I didn’t post anything; I just didn’t share any of it.  Some of the writings weren’t even complete.  It’s interesting, after all this time, to go back and read some of the things I started and never finished.  I decided to post this one in particular because even I don’t remember how it ended.  So I’d like to pretend that this is one of those “pick your ending” stories.   I had to laugh at my own disclaimer.  😉

April 6, 2015

Disclaimer: This is not one of my usual upbeat posts. Sorry y’all…

I was recently stepped on by the proverbial elephant in the room.  Luckily for me, my pride and self-dignity were only temporarily crushed and replaced with red flushed cheeks that accompany heavy embarrassment.

In this case, the elephant in the room = the fact that I just got married in August and have been separated from my husband for well over 6 months now, if not all 8, and not by my choice.  The details aren’t necessary but, needless to say, it has been a roller coaster of emotions.

So what had happened was, I attended a nice, family-friendly function.  To my surprise, my “situation” wasn’t much of a secret but I certainly didn’t attend so I could talk about it, either.  I should have guessed the gig was up when I didn’t receive the usual questions about where my husband was and how his work was going.  I attended because, although I intended on going, recent events led me to change my mind.  I really needed to get out of the house though, so I went.  I should have gone with my first instinct and stayed home in my cave.  It wasn’t bad that the subject finally came up, but it’s the reality of people asking and wanting to talk about it.

I have spent months praying and putting myself in a better place mentally to live and enjoy my daily life.  Talking about it doesn’t bring me down so much anymore because, for the most part, I speak about it in a positive way.  God has something better for me.  My husband deserves to be happy, too, even though it’s not with me.

* * *

That’s it.  I have no idea whether I was going to write about what happened, write about how everyone deserves to be happy, or write about the awesome things God has in store for me.  It was interesting reading this because i’m not in the same frame of mind as I was then, thank God.  These days, I’ll bank on the last ending because God IS awesome and he’s done so much for me already.  I am truly blessed!  🙂

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Somebody

I’ve mentioned my love of Depeche Mode in previous posts and to say that I love them is probably an understatement because I know every word to every song ever made.  Just about.  😉

Last year, while planning my wedding to the Mister, we couldn’t come up with a song that we would “perform” our First Dance to.  We never had a song that was “our song”.   We love music, but we didn’t have a song that spoke to us as our own like other couples seem to have.  So we put our pee-brains together to decide what we would dance to.  Out came the iTunes to go through the lists of songs that we collectively had – and there were a lot.  We actually came up with a bunch of choices, but none of them stood out as a good one.  (The John Legend All of Me song was played out, even though it was a great wedding song that everyone used and still use as their first dance.  *vomit*)   Then I found it….

Somebody by Depeche Mode

I. LOVE. THAT. SONG!  It expressed everything that we wanted in each other.  The Mister isn’t a Depeche Mode fan, but I thought I’d give it a shot anyway and when I suggested it, he actually said that it was the perfect song.  He liked it.  And that was that.  My heart was content and I was on cloud 9 thinking about and loving the fact that I could have a Depeche Mode song in the actual program of our wedding because, let’s face it, their songs aren’t ones to dance to like that.  I jump around and wave my arms all over, but that’s about it.  😀

I was reminded of this when I was on my way home yesterday and the song came on my playlist.  It’s been a very long time since I’ve heard it.  I’ve skipped it a few times because I was broken and didn’t want to hear it.  The words, which I have so awesomely included below for your reading pleasure, are heart-crushing when I consider that they meant so much for someone I loved.  And while it originally seemed like the song would be forever ruined by the memory of our first dance as Mister and Missus, it’s not ruined at all.  I can choose to let a song that I love be ruined or allow it to remain a favorite and keep the good memories that I had at that time.  The happy memories; assuming they come along with the song, which they did yesterday and I shed a teeny, tiny tear.  Thank the Lord Almighty for putting this understanding in my heart.

So, just in case you haven’t been mesmerized by the song, I have also included the best version of it in this video below because Martin Gore is just everything.  You’re welcome! (LOL  I’m such a giddy freak when it comes to them…and I don’t care.)

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She will hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and with every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear
Of those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I’ll get away with it