It’s easy to look back on past actions and decisions and say, “yeah, that was a mistake I won’t repeat”. You live and learn, right? Some mistakes are big and some are small; some are life altering while others go unnoticed. As I touched on in a previous post about Forgiveness, some mistakes require us to forgive even ourselves so that we can move on. Today is the final day that I grapple with a mistake I made just over a year ago.
I know we all get that feeling deep down in the pit of our stomach when something just isn’t right. That feeling that says, “Don’t do it – something’s fishy!” The one that you wish the actors/actresses in horror movies would listen to so that we can save ourselves from screaming at the TV, “DON’T GO IN THERE!”
If only I would have taken heed to that feeling on October 5, 2014.
That is the day I sat in front of a car dealer and threw caution to the wind, regardless of the feelings in my stomach and what I would normally do in a situation like that. I sat there and purchased a car that was not only completely against what I went to purchase but out of my comfortable price range. That is the day I sat there with my then husband, whom I married barely two month earlier, and who encouraged me to purchase a nice car because “I deserved it.” Everything I had ever spent money on up until that point in our relationship was purchased under the guarded understanding that I need to be able to afford this myself without his help because it wasn’t guaranteed. Let’s face it, in life, nothing is guaranteed.
But I did it anyway. I purchased Mona, my car, under the assumption that since there were now two incomes, I shouldn’t worry; besides, we were newly married. Well, not anymore. And you know how “they” say that you shouldn’t name something or else you’ll get attached? Yeah, don’t do that because it goes for a car, too. A year later and I am completely attached to my car that I shouldn’t/can’t keep. Could I blame him for encouraging me to get a car out of my range when he already knew he wasn’t sticking around? Yes, I could. Yes, I want to. Yes! Yes! YES!!
Alas, I can’t. At the end of the day, I made that decision. I bought it myself, under my name, using my good credit, not his, and without the approval of that ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew it was a mistake, but I made it anyway. Today, I forgive that mistake and search for a new-to-me car (or motorcycle *wink*wink*) to call my own….and with a kick ass name to match. 😉
Lesson Learned. Take heed to the feelings of uneasiness!
Chances are, they’re there for a reason.