New Year “Resolution”: Forgive and Seek Forgiveness

I’ll start by asking you to forgive me for my incredibly long hiatus from writing.  Sometimes I allow life to get in the way of a good thing.  😉

Here we are in 2015 and everyone has their laundry list of resolutions that include things like “get fit,” “stick to diet,” “take a trip around the world,” and so on.  Although getting back into shape with #operationbringsexyback and #risetopurpose are on my list, too, my number one is all about forgiveness.  I have prioritized and re-prioritized my resolution list but, the way I see it, not much else can be accomplished to the fullest without fully freeing my soul of the heaviness forgiveness, or lack thereof, has on my heart and happiness.

Easier said than done, you say?  Actually, not so much.  It’s only as hard as you make it.  Even the deepest scars can be healed by forgiveness if you truly want the freedom of happiness.

So this “resolution” goes two ways.  Not only do I want to ask for forgiveness, but I need to forgive those who have hurt me.  Do I need to speak to them face to face and say, “I forgive you”?  That’s not necessary unless I want to truly rekindle that relationship.  If it can’t be fixed, I just need to let it go in my heart and forgive them, even if they never asked.  It usually doesn’t hurt them, it only hurts me to hold on to it.

When it comes to seeking forgiveness, that’s another story.  I need to speak to them one way or another.  Depending on the situation, it’s best in person, the phone, a handwritten letter, maybe even an email but PLEASE no texting!  😉  Anyway, they don’t have to forgive me, so I need to be prepared.  If I am honest and sincere in my request, that’s the best I can do.  They might not forgive me today, tomorrow or ever…or maybe they will.  The point is that I have asked for it and I can feel some release once it’s been said.  The admitting of wrong, believe it or not, is freeing!

Freedom of the chains that hold us down when we have anger and hatred in our hearts is one of the best feelings in the world.  You can do just about anything after that.  There are certain people in my life that I think about daily who I miss, who I love, who I once had a [better] connection with that I cannot live without.  I want to ask for their forgiveness and I want to forgive them, too.  Only then will I be truly happy in my other resolution successes this year.

Forgiveness feeds your soul in the “good diet” kinda way so, eat up and here’s to a year of resolution successes!

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Here Is Why Paying For The Date Is Not About The Money

“The right woman doesn’t want your car, your money, or gifts. She wants your time, your effort, your honesty, your loyalty, and your respect.” FACT! FACT! FACT!

James Michael Sama

So, you’ve spotted this woman at your local Starbucks, or grocery store, or tagged in a friend’s Facebook photo. You’ve started up a conversation, and she has agreed to spend some time with you. Let’s keep it simple and say you go to dinner.

Fantastic! You pick her up, open the door, and are a perfect gentleman all night. Then, the bill comes.

The next thing out of your mouth is “So, should we split it?”

And then, her face:

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In my opinion, the man should always pay for dates, at least in the beginning stages of a relationship. But, why? She makes her own money, maybe even more than you. Shouldn’t she split it? Or, maybe even pay for it?

No. And this is why:

Dating is about courtship. Traditionally, men have been the ones to do the pursuing when it came to dating. They had to prove to…

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Things You Should Know About Introverts

All of these are me, except #7….that is SO me! I should really be embarrassed that I get SO excited about that….

Playfully Tacky

From MeetTheIntroverts.com From MeetTheIntroverts.com 1) We need to recharge alone.
This right here is the cusp of the entire introvert v. extrovert debate (if there is one, anyway) – Introverts need to be alone to recharge. We tend to get completely worn out by socializing. This is basically what it means to be an introvert.

2) We don’t hate being around people, but we probably hate crowds.
I love being with people, but if you drop me into a large crowd I instantly feel like I’m alone and invisible. I try to avoid situations where I feel that way, so I may decline your open invitation to some random event. It doesn’t mean I don’t like to be around you, it just means I like to have more control over my surroundings.

3) We don’t mind silence.
I can sit beside you in silence and not think we are having a bad…

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Minding my business…

I had a situation the other day that I wonder what others would have done in my shoes.  People in our society these days like to take this “I’m not going to get involved” approach to things.  I tend to wonder where people draw the line on when they are going to say something and when they won’t.  We have folks who want to chastise parents for parenting (aka spanking) their bratty kids and then there’s the people who watch as other kids are actually abused without saying anything at all.  My story is not at this level but, after the fact, it made me think…

I went for my dress fitting and, as I was sitting in my car getting ready to leave, I received a phone call, so I sat to talk for a minute.  Now, imagine this: the parking spot in front of me is empty and there is a car on both sides of the spot: a shiny, blue Acura Integra on the left and a junkie, old, banged up Toyota ‘something’ on the right.  I’m blabbing away on the phone and I see this person coming from the right to pull into the parking spot and they’re coming in pretty fast.  It’s going to be a tight squeeze even for the little Honda that they were driving….

Okay, FINE, i’ll say it – it was a woman driver!  Geez!  Back to the story…

So, to make matters worse, girlfriend was on the damn phone.  She was coming in fast and she pulled into the spot as if there were no other cars on either side!  Translation:  she COMPLETELY rubbed up on the bumper of the Acura and, I kid you not, she didn’t…even…flinch.  The entire Acura moved as she was rubbing it so I found it hard to understand why she didn’t stop as soon as she made contact.  My mouth fell wide open and I actually said, “ouch! ouch! ouch!” out loud.  Incredibly, she didn’t stop there, she continued to park.

Not actual incident.

Not actual incident.

Remember how I said it was a tight squeeze?  Yeah, well, she threw the door open and hit the Toyota.  I’m not sure why she expected to be able to get out of her car.  If she just looked out her window, she would have seen that the door wasn’t going to open more than a foot. That STILL didn’t deter this girl…she still tried to get out of her car.  (Sidebar: that must have been some phone conversation because she was still on it.) There was no way she was getting out so  she turns back in her seat, closes the door and starts up the car to leave.   This is where the self-imposed dilemma begins…

I wonder, ‘Is she going to leave-leave; or, just move to another spot?’  I don’t know what she’s going to do so I frantically grab a piece of paper and pen to write down this broad’s license plate number – just in case.  She knows that I’ve seen her rub this car and now she can probably assume that i’m fumbling around to write down her license plate number.   She moves to another spot and she’s watching me as she’s talking on the phone.  So, I think to myself,

“Oh, Maritza, do you REALLY want to get involved with a possible crazy woman?  You’re in front of a bridal salon for Pete’s sake.  Everyone knows that brides be crazy and she could be the bride so she might go nuts on me…do we chance it?”  😉

Girlfriend got out of her car, went to look at the Acura and after standing there for a moment on the phone she decides to get back into he car and FINALLY get off the phone – first smart thing she did.  The second smart thing was to spend another 8 minutes finding paper so she could presumably leave a “note”.   Well, to make a long story short she leaves a huge 8.5 x 11 piece of orange paper on the handle of the car and I decide that she was doing the honest thing and leaving a note about the damage.   I’m not going to get out of my car and check the note to make sure she didn’t leave an advertisement instead of a damage note. I’m going to trust and believe that she made a stupid mistake and now she’s making it right by leaving a note so she can take care of whatever damages there are.  Good!

Now, I can go home and eat dinner since I starved myself before my dress fitting.  I kid, I kid…

DIY = Do It YOURSELF!

So, as the title suggests, I was in a bit of a quandary over whether I should be “assisting” the Man of the House with the project of building a bedside table for me.  I imagine most couples who decide to take on projects together are just as excited as we were as we planned it all out and began the job.  I’m not sure at what point things started going downhill, but it HAD to be within the first 30 minutes…..

Just to put things in perspective: I like putting together and fixing things; he likes building and fixing things.  Since i’m not a builder, I defer to his expertise when it comes to that kind of thing.  My problem is, I KNOW EVERYTHING!  😉  So when I see him doing something that I think might be wrong, it’s hard to keep my trap shut, but I try.  I think i’m pretty good at TRYING to keep my mouth shut but sometimes my mouth moves faster than my brain’s ability to stop it.  I am pretty sure that he allows me to help him because he knows I like to put things together, but if I weren’t around, he’d totally do it himself.  In retrospect, this must be what my kids feel like when they’re trying to helping me cook in the kitchen….but I digress.

Anyway, so here we are, cutting and screwing the wood pieces together – which I apparently suck at and that’s fine because i’m not a builder, but that doesn’t stop me from trying.  So I can’t screw the screws in straight – is it REEEEALLY that big a’deal?  The screw is in the piece of wood, isn’t it?  God bless him, he was being real nice about it when he would tell me to stop because they weren’t going in straight but, regardless, it started to irritate me because I felt like I was doing it the same way he was.  I think I was literally fuming with steam coming off of my head and I wanted to either quit and throw the screw driver and/or break what we had already put together.  It was at this point that I said to myself, THIS is where the whole concept of DIY came from – do it YOURSELF.  NOT with your partner.  NOT with your friend.  NOT with anyone else.  YOUR! SELF!!!  When everything is said and done and there’s a crooked table that can only be used in a fun house, you only have YOURSELF to blame for it.  You know?  That’s how it should be.

My frustration didn’t stop with the screws.  This project took a little vacation and sat, as it is pictured above, for a few days.  He managed to finish putting the table together on a day where I wasn’t home (refer back to the second paragraph where I mentioned the fact that he would do it himself if I weren’t around), so now that it’s done, it was time to stain it.  That can’t be hard, right?  It’s basically painting.  He gave me specific instructions to paint in the same direction as the grain of the wood and he mentioned some other stuff about gloves and yadda-yadda-yadda.  Easy enough, right?  Noooooooooooooooo!  I STILL managed to irritate myself by not listening to the “other stuff” that he mentioned like, oh, I don’t know, wearing gloves so I don’t get any of that stain stuff on my hands or under my nails.  By the time I realized that it was all over my hands, it was too late – today, I am still wearing purple nail polish to cover the black stain that’s under my nails – WHY DID I GET INVOLVED AGAIN!!!???

In the end, it all got completed and the table turned out really, really nice – I love it!!  I felt bad because I almost got to the point where I didn’t even want the table anymore.  Why don’t I just buy one from Ross?  I know why, because it would mean so much more to have him build it for me.  He would be happy doing it and I would be happy with a hand made piece from him that he planned, sweated over, and built just for moi!

So, what are the chances that I learned my lesson about beginning DIY projects with the Man of the House (or anyone else for that matter)?  Just slim to none – i’m hard headed that way.  🙂

TADAAA!!!   I take no credit for the completion of this project….

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A Sobering Thought

I have thought about the scribbles of this post for a little while now.  Some days I want to write just to write and get it out; but, there’s no form, no logic, no point, just thoughts and experiences jumbled together.  It finally came to me this morning as I was making a congratulatory purchase for myself to celebrate 5 months of sobriety.

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[Pause for virtual cheers, hugs and words of continued encouragement.]

In general, I don’t gloat and I don’t like attention…except for a second ago when I waited for your virtual cheers, of course.  I am not someone who pats themselves on the back or tells of accomplishments just to be praised, but now I know that there are exceptions.

I have a sober friend who doesn’t count his days, it just isn’t something he feels the need to do but, in telling me that, I began to feel some guilt (maybe?) that I wanted to share my days.  Why should I feel guilty?? I want to tell the world!  I am proud of myself, dammit!  I want the continued motivation and support and maybe even accountability to keep pressing forward, to confirm that I was doing the right thing and to never look back.  But, is it annoying to everyone else?  I’m not trying to pressure anyone into doing what i’m doing at all but I know it inspires others because they send me messages to tell me so and that makes me happy.  Equally, I love seeing others post about their days because I want to hug them and tell them how awesome they are.  It doesn’t even matter how many days they’ve been sober because, to me, it’s a step in the right direction.

It isn’t easy.  I take my sobriety one day at a time, and sometimes I take it hour by hour, so counting my days pleases me and just because everyone doesn’t count their days doesn’t mean I can’t or shouldn’t.  I am 5 months sober and I still know that it’s the best thing I could have ever done for myself [esteem], my kids, my fiance, and my family.  In the beginning, there were days where I just knew that looking into the future to today was going to mean failure.  I just knew that I would be back to my old ways because I couldn’t see my life any other way.  So, TAKE THAT OLD MARITZA!  I totally proved her wrong.  😉

Oh, and if you’re wondering, “what congratulatory gift did you get yourself?”  Thanks for asking; I stumbled upon a company via a page I follow on Instagram called Party Sober Clothing and I love their mission to “deglamorize drug and alcohol abuse by starting a new trend.”  So i’ve ordered my tank top (below) and I can’t wait to get it!  🙂

The College Woes

So……

According to the College Board, the average cost of tuition and fees for the 2013-2014 school year was $30,094 at private colleges, $8,893 for state residents at public colleges, and $22,203 for out-of-state residents attending public universities.

And if you compare that to the fact that apparently….

Sixty percent of U.S. college graduates cannot find a full-time job in their chosen profession, according to job placement firm Adecco.

Then I shouldn’t be too, too upset about my daughter not getting into the college that she wanted, right?  WRONG!  I was still upset, which annoys me because I thought I prepared myself pretty good to read those “Regrettably….we will not be offering you admission…” letters.  My whole spiel about how “college isn’t for everyone” seemed to go right out the door as those letters started coming in the mail.  Man, what a rip!   You would seriously think it was ME that was trying to get into college.

So after crying about the most recent letter that was received – that would be me crying, not her, at least not in front of me and I didn’t cry in front of her – I had to really think about why this upset me so much.  Yes, I was upset for her, but the bottom line is, I never went through this whole process before.  I didn’t go to college right out of high school, so I never experienced this whole you’re accepted/rejected stuff.  I don’t remember how my mom handled it with my brother and sisters, either.  I guess it’s the “mom” in me that wants to protect my child from rejection when, in fact, she needs this.

Fast forward to the present day and we are at the point where it’s been accepted that she’ll start at the community college and transfer after 2 years, which makes economical sense, anyway.  I’m not dogging community college, at all.  My child is just in need of getting out and experiencing independence and being responsible for herself and all that stuff that comes along with living on a campus.  I guess I could kick her out so she could get a place of her own and go to school and work like a lot of people successfully do, but that hardly seems like the right thing to do.  She just started her FIRST job for pete’s sake!  Ugh!  I’m usually all for “tough love”, but not like this.  If she were a horrible child, I would think differently, but she isn’t.

Ssssooo….yeah…..this is where we are….I’ll still be here to help her get a running start, but I’ll have to let go…Graduation is coming, the 18th birthday is coming, summer is coming…..I’M NOT READY FOR ALL THIS!!

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(I don’t recall the website I found this doozie from, but I like it and I can’t take credit for having made it up.)