forgive

Mistakes; they happen

mistake

It’s easy to look back on past actions and decisions and say, “yeah, that was a mistake I won’t repeat”.  You live and learn, right?  Some mistakes are big and some are small; some are life altering while others go unnoticed.  As I touched on in a previous post about Forgiveness, some mistakes require us to forgive even ourselves so that we can move on.  Today is the final day that I grapple with a mistake I made just over a year ago.

I know we all get that feeling deep down in the pit of our stomach when something just isn’t right.  That feeling that says, “Don’t do it – something’s fishy!”  The one that you wish the actors/actresses in horror movies would listen to so that we can save ourselves from screaming at the TV, “DON’T GO IN THERE!”

If only I would have taken heed to that feeling on October 5, 2014.

That is the day I sat in front of a car dealer and threw caution to the wind, regardless of the feelings in my stomach and what I would normally do in a situation like that.  I sat there and purchased a car that was not only completely against what I went to purchase but out of my comfortable price range.  That is the day I sat there with my then husband, whom I married barely two month earlier, and who encouraged me to purchase a nice car because “I deserved it.”  Everything I had ever spent money on up until that point in our relationship was purchased under the guarded understanding that I need to be able to afford this myself without his help because it wasn’t guaranteed.  Let’s face it, in life, nothing is guaranteed.

But I did it anyway.  I purchased Mona, my car, under the assumption that since there were now two incomes, I shouldn’t worry; besides, we were newly married.  Well, not anymore.  And you know how “they” say that you shouldn’t name something or else you’ll get attached?  Yeah, don’t do that because it goes for a car, too.  A year later and I am completely attached to my car that I shouldn’t/can’t keep.  Could I blame him for encouraging me to get a car out of my range when he already knew he wasn’t sticking around?  Yes, I could.  Yes, I want to.  Yes! Yes! YES!!

Alas, I can’t.  At the end of the day, I made that decision.  I bought it myself, under my name, using my good credit, not his, and without the approval of that ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I knew it was a mistake, but I made it anyway.  Today, I forgive that mistake and search for a new-to-me car (or motorcycle *wink*wink*) to call my own….and with a kick ass name to match.  😉

Lesson Learned.  Take heed to the feelings of uneasiness!
Chances are, they’re there for a reason.

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New Year “Resolution”: Forgive and Seek Forgiveness

I’ll start by asking you to forgive me for my incredibly long hiatus from writing.  Sometimes I allow life to get in the way of a good thing.  😉

Here we are in 2015 and everyone has their laundry list of resolutions that include things like “get fit,” “stick to diet,” “take a trip around the world,” and so on.  Although getting back into shape with #operationbringsexyback and #risetopurpose are on my list, too, my number one is all about forgiveness.  I have prioritized and re-prioritized my resolution list but, the way I see it, not much else can be accomplished to the fullest without fully freeing my soul of the heaviness forgiveness, or lack thereof, has on my heart and happiness.

Easier said than done, you say?  Actually, not so much.  It’s only as hard as you make it.  Even the deepest scars can be healed by forgiveness if you truly want the freedom of happiness.

So this “resolution” goes two ways.  Not only do I want to ask for forgiveness, but I need to forgive those who have hurt me.  Do I need to speak to them face to face and say, “I forgive you”?  That’s not necessary unless I want to truly rekindle that relationship.  If it can’t be fixed, I just need to let it go in my heart and forgive them, even if they never asked.  It usually doesn’t hurt them, it only hurts me to hold on to it.

When it comes to seeking forgiveness, that’s another story.  I need to speak to them one way or another.  Depending on the situation, it’s best in person, the phone, a handwritten letter, maybe even an email but PLEASE no texting!  😉  Anyway, they don’t have to forgive me, so I need to be prepared.  If I am honest and sincere in my request, that’s the best I can do.  They might not forgive me today, tomorrow or ever…or maybe they will.  The point is that I have asked for it and I can feel some release once it’s been said.  The admitting of wrong, believe it or not, is freeing!

Freedom of the chains that hold us down when we have anger and hatred in our hearts is one of the best feelings in the world.  You can do just about anything after that.  There are certain people in my life that I think about daily who I miss, who I love, who I once had a [better] connection with that I cannot live without.  I want to ask for their forgiveness and I want to forgive them, too.  Only then will I be truly happy in my other resolution successes this year.

Forgiveness feeds your soul in the “good diet” kinda way so, eat up and here’s to a year of resolution successes!

forgive