Humor

My mini-me

Alaina.  My princess who’s about to turn the big 1-0, is, in so many ways, my little mini-me.  Looking back at my life, I can see how all my kids do things like I did at their age, so that either makes them (and me) normal kids, or that just shows how my genes were spread out among all of them.  Anyway, Alaina has such spunk and can be so witty.  She’s a perfect little blend of tom boy and girlie girl.  Although I was mostly a tom boy, I’m sure deep in the recesses of my mind, there are girl moments that i’m trying to bury because I don’t associate with them like that.

Two years ago she got glasses because she inherited my horrible vision.  It was almost as if the glasses provided an instant, extra layer of wit to her already witty and funny personality.  Take those glasses off, and sometimes you wonder where it all went.  I love it!  So lately she’s been without glasses – she broke them and who knows where she discarded the broken pieces.  With school starting soon, we needed to get new spectacles for her.  I decided that she could go in for the eye exam by herself while I was just outside the door.  Ten minutes later she comes out, all smiles, and the doctor says, “Well, Alaina’s doing everything that she’s supposed to be doing.  There was only a slight change in her vision.” Which I was happy about, until the doctor continues and says, “We’ll hold on to the prescription since Alaina says she doesn’t need new glasses.”

……….wait, what?!……….I almost got whiplash when I turned to Alaina, who stood there with a bewildered look on her face that says, “Oh, is THAT what you meant when you asked if I needed new glasses?”  Good grief!

Then there are situations like yesterday that really make me laugh.  We go shopping, get out of the car, i’m holding Daniela’s hand, Dominique’s walking beside her and Alaina’s trying to wrap herself around me – the conversation goes like this:

Me: Alaina! What are you doing? Just hold my hand.
Alaina: I’m just trying to hug you while you walk.
Me: Honey, come on, please just hold my hand, that’s impossible.
Alaina: Mommy, haven’t you ever heard that NOTHING’S impossible?!
(Mind you, she’s still trying to wrap herself around me as we walk towards the store.)
Me: Yes, you’re right, but THIS?! THIS isn’t going to work out and i’m going to fall on you.
(She responds and it’s as if she isn’t really listening to me, go figure.)
Alaina: But I guess the person who started the saying that “nothing’s impossible” (yes, she did the finger quotes) didn’t ever try to slam a revolving door.  Now THAT’S impossible.
Me:  Not for Chuck Norris, it isn’t.
Alaina: Yeah, he can do everything.

This brief conversation ended in such a matter of fact kind of way.  Really, all I could do was smile and shake my head as we now enter TJMaxx and she’s ogling over the designer purses.  Yep, she can be girlie.

It's a small tree, but she's determined to climb it.

It’s a small tree, but she’s determined to climb it.

Alaina's getting her first kiddie pedicure.
Alaina’s getting her first kiddie pedicure.

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Where’s the ON switch on my teen!?

Dominique, my first born.  After I’ve considered all the ways that i’m blessed to have such a good 17-year-old (ESPECIALLY compared to how I was at her age!) and how much she’s changed my life for the better, there’s almost always that record-scratching-to-a-halt sound that brings me back to reality and reminds me, “this is the same girl that watched me to go work very early this morning, watched me come home rushed from a long commute to take my son to football practice, and waited until I got home at 8 pm(ish) to say, ‘should I have made dinner or something?'”  What the frack?!

Then again, as everyone says, “she’s a teenager, what do you expect?”  What do I expect?  I expect that I raised my child to be more considerate than she lets on sometimes and can actually lend a hand JUST BECAUSE she wants to, instead of when she wants something in return.  (Yes, I live in La-la Land and totally believe that it’s possible for that to happen.)  There’s just something in that pretty little head of hers that doesn’t always switch on.  Another switch I can’t find is the one that makes her want to read instructions on the packages of things like ‘how to make soup’ or ‘how to use cleaning spray’.  Or the switch that turns on when it’s time for her to look for something because, we all know that if it isn’t already in her hand, she can’t find it.  Or how about the switch that reminds her that she’s tired of asking for things that she wants, but doesn’t need, and that she could purchase herself if she went out and got a job.

I can’t be the only one who can’t find these switches on our teens, but what I did [take forever to] realize is that she may actually need more than a mere mention of the idea.  She needs solid instruction.  She needs step-by-step directions.  She almost needs you to push her off that ‘ledge’ to force her to get stuff done.  She’s gone most of her high school life playing some sort of extra-curricular sport which, oddly enough, she will do almost all that she needs to do so that she can be on the team, but I digress.  She’s never had a job because sports and homework take so much time.  Well, not this year!  She’s getting a jay-oh-bee – job!  She’s going to go work for someone who’s not her mom or dad that will let her know that she can’t be lazy and expect to survive in the world.  She might hate it and quit, or not, but hopefully she will have received her dose of reality.

I love her to death and she’s truly a good girl who tries, considering her serious ADHD issues.  (More on that later.)  I’m going to give this one a go and pray that, in this last year of high school, I will have started to ignite the fire in her that I’ve always told her she had.  She can do whatever she wants in this world and I’ll always support her 100% in her mission to get there.

My Mission: Find that ON switch!! (help me!)

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