Mistakes; they happen


It’s easy to look back on past actions and decisions and say, “yeah, that was a mistake I won’t repeat”.  You live and learn, right?  Some mistakes are big and some are small; some are life altering while others go unnoticed.  As I touched on in a previous post about Forgiveness, some mistakes require us to forgive even ourselves so that we can move on.  Today is the final day that I grapple with a mistake I made just over a year ago.

I know we all get that feeling deep down in the pit of our stomach when something just isn’t right.  That feeling that says, “Don’t do it – something’s fishy!”  The one that you wish the actors/actresses in horror movies would listen to so that we can save ourselves from screaming at the TV, “DON’T GO IN THERE!”

If only I would have taken heed to that feeling on October 5, 2014.

That is the day I sat in front of a car dealer and threw caution to the wind, regardless of the feelings in my stomach and what I would normally do in a situation like that.  I sat there and purchased a car that was not only completely against what I went to purchase but out of my comfortable price range.  That is the day I sat there with my then husband, whom I married barely two month earlier, and who encouraged me to purchase a nice car because “I deserved it.”  Everything I had ever spent money on up until that point in our relationship was purchased under the guarded understanding that I need to be able to afford this myself without his help because it wasn’t guaranteed.  Let’s face it, in life, nothing is guaranteed.

But I did it anyway.  I purchased Mona, my car, under the assumption that since there were now two incomes, I shouldn’t worry; besides, we were newly married.  Well, not anymore.  And you know how “they” say that you shouldn’t name something or else you’ll get attached?  Yeah, don’t do that because it goes for a car, too.  A year later and I am completely attached to my car that I shouldn’t/can’t keep.  Could I blame him for encouraging me to get a car out of my range when he already knew he wasn’t sticking around?  Yes, I could.  Yes, I want to.  Yes! Yes! YES!!

Alas, I can’t.  At the end of the day, I made that decision.  I bought it myself, under my name, using my good credit, not his, and without the approval of that ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I knew it was a mistake, but I made it anyway.  Today, I forgive that mistake and search for a new-to-me car (or motorcycle *wink*wink*) to call my own….and with a kick ass name to match.  😉

Lesson Learned.  Take heed to the feelings of uneasiness!
Chances are, they’re there for a reason.


When reality strikes…or bites

Aside from yesterday, I haven’t posted anything for the public since January.  I know that the obvious reason is because I’m in a better place and happy to write in a positive, fun way again.  I still wrote during the time that I didn’t post anything; I just didn’t share any of it.  Some of the writings weren’t even complete.  It’s interesting, after all this time, to go back and read some of the things I started and never finished.  I decided to post this one in particular because even I don’t remember how it ended.  So I’d like to pretend that this is one of those “pick your ending” stories.   I had to laugh at my own disclaimer.  😉

April 6, 2015

Disclaimer: This is not one of my usual upbeat posts. Sorry y’all…

I was recently stepped on by the proverbial elephant in the room.  Luckily for me, my pride and self-dignity were only temporarily crushed and replaced with red flushed cheeks that accompany heavy embarrassment.

In this case, the elephant in the room = the fact that I just got married in August and have been separated from my husband for well over 6 months now, if not all 8, and not by my choice.  The details aren’t necessary but, needless to say, it has been a roller coaster of emotions.

So what had happened was, I attended a nice, family-friendly function.  To my surprise, my “situation” wasn’t much of a secret but I certainly didn’t attend so I could talk about it, either.  I should have guessed the gig was up when I didn’t receive the usual questions about where my husband was and how his work was going.  I attended because, although I intended on going, recent events led me to change my mind.  I really needed to get out of the house though, so I went.  I should have gone with my first instinct and stayed home in my cave.  It wasn’t bad that the subject finally came up, but it’s the reality of people asking and wanting to talk about it.

I have spent months praying and putting myself in a better place mentally to live and enjoy my daily life.  Talking about it doesn’t bring me down so much anymore because, for the most part, I speak about it in a positive way.  God has something better for me.  My husband deserves to be happy, too, even though it’s not with me.

* * *

That’s it.  I have no idea whether I was going to write about what happened, write about how everyone deserves to be happy, or write about the awesome things God has in store for me.  It was interesting reading this because i’m not in the same frame of mind as I was then, thank God.  These days, I’ll bank on the last ending because God IS awesome and he’s done so much for me already.  I am truly blessed!  🙂