relationships

Listen to me!

We all want to be heard.  Am I right?

I find myself taking the less than mature adult approach to being heard.  Even if it’s a short story, damnit I want to tell it with all the deets!  I seriously don’t know any other way of telling anything.  So when I’m interrupted every 2 seconds, I just don’t want to tell it anymore.  I throw my hands in the air and say, “oh, just forget it.”  Then, when I receive the inevitable, “sorry, please finish, tell your story,” I give the pouting response, “the story was over anyway” which is a total lie and then I have the nerve to be irritated because I really wanted to tell the story.

Image Courtesy of musiccityschoolcounselor.wordpress.com

Image Courtesy of musiccityschoolcounselor.wordpress.com

I’ve been in a few relationships where I’ve been interrupted time and time again.  Why do they torture me like this?!  I tried to analyze where I’m going wrong because I MUST be doing something wrong here, right?  Maybe it’s me.  (I just made myself laugh.)  I could very well be a poor listener, myself.  I don’t think that’s possible, but I decided to humor myself and really look deep.

I have a bit of social anxiety and I’m self conscious about my ability to hold a conversation, as it is.  I realized that, because I was always thinking, thinking, thinking of the next thing that was supposed to come out of my mouth when the other person was done talking, I can’t possibly be listening to them.  I mean seriously – God forbid I have no response!  How will I endure the possibility of the awkward silence that may or may not come when they are finished talking?  Argh!  It really takes a conscious effort on the listener’s behalf to be a good listener.  Once I put two and two together, I decided to make a change.  I’m not a big interrupter when others are talking, but I could still change how I listen to people; I could give my full attention which is basically what I want.  I want your attention.  (I’m feeling needy all of a sudden.)

No lie, it was hard at first.  My brain wanted to do what it wanted to do but, ironically, I realized that listening to what the person had to say actually made conversations flow much easier.  Mind. Blown.  With my new-found information, I really wanted to share it with everybody who ever felt the need to interrupt me.  JUST STOP AND LISTEN!  I’m a storyteller for pete’s sake.  If you can’t listen to me tell stories, we are never going to work out.  Friendship or otherwise.

Ultimately, some people are just plain selfish when they interrupt.  What they have to say is more important than what you or I have to say.  That’s all there is to it.  Makes you wonder why they stick around if they don’t care what you have to say; if your thoughts aren’t important.

(Even worse, are those who think they can finish your sentence and totally suck at it – but that’s another blog post for another day.)

New Year “Resolution”: Forgive and Seek Forgiveness

I’ll start by asking you to forgive me for my incredibly long hiatus from writing.  Sometimes I allow life to get in the way of a good thing.  😉

Here we are in 2015 and everyone has their laundry list of resolutions that include things like “get fit,” “stick to diet,” “take a trip around the world,” and so on.  Although getting back into shape with #operationbringsexyback and #risetopurpose are on my list, too, my number one is all about forgiveness.  I have prioritized and re-prioritized my resolution list but, the way I see it, not much else can be accomplished to the fullest without fully freeing my soul of the heaviness forgiveness, or lack thereof, has on my heart and happiness.

Easier said than done, you say?  Actually, not so much.  It’s only as hard as you make it.  Even the deepest scars can be healed by forgiveness if you truly want the freedom of happiness.

So this “resolution” goes two ways.  Not only do I want to ask for forgiveness, but I need to forgive those who have hurt me.  Do I need to speak to them face to face and say, “I forgive you”?  That’s not necessary unless I want to truly rekindle that relationship.  If it can’t be fixed, I just need to let it go in my heart and forgive them, even if they never asked.  It usually doesn’t hurt them, it only hurts me to hold on to it.

When it comes to seeking forgiveness, that’s another story.  I need to speak to them one way or another.  Depending on the situation, it’s best in person, the phone, a handwritten letter, maybe even an email but PLEASE no texting!  😉  Anyway, they don’t have to forgive me, so I need to be prepared.  If I am honest and sincere in my request, that’s the best I can do.  They might not forgive me today, tomorrow or ever…or maybe they will.  The point is that I have asked for it and I can feel some release once it’s been said.  The admitting of wrong, believe it or not, is freeing!

Freedom of the chains that hold us down when we have anger and hatred in our hearts is one of the best feelings in the world.  You can do just about anything after that.  There are certain people in my life that I think about daily who I miss, who I love, who I once had a [better] connection with that I cannot live without.  I want to ask for their forgiveness and I want to forgive them, too.  Only then will I be truly happy in my other resolution successes this year.

Forgiveness feeds your soul in the “good diet” kinda way so, eat up and here’s to a year of resolution successes!

forgive